Humour : How Ugandan politics became 'monkey business'

As a kid growing up in London, I was assaulted with an avalanche of racial slurs and epithets.

The most common was "black monkey."

I was confronted with the words "black monkey" by white kids so frequently that I thought the white kids were talking bananas.

So, I decided to eat them up.

Going on the offensive, I started punching out every white kid who called me a monkey.

It was like, "Okay, I'm a monkey and you're a tree. And here's your nose branching into my fist!"

I became so feared that even if a real monkey showed up, the white kids couldn't call it a monkey when I was within earshot. If they did, I'd say "who me?" before going bananas.

Then, on July 27th 1985, President Milton Obote was jackbooted out of power by a military junta led Bazilio Okello and Tito Okello.

My dad was in the living room smiling as he said, “Our guerrillas are now going to take power."

I couldn't believe my ears.

Since guerrilla and gorilla sound similar in pronunciation, I thought my dad had also joined the monkey baiting squad of my enemies.

My knee-jerk reaction was to erupt into punches, but I had to restrain myself since "dad" was merely a letter short of "dead," so the "e" for my "eruption" would've supplied the missing letter in dad.

Seeing the hurt and confusion on my face, he clarified.

"Guerrilla means freedom fighter."

Which really explains all the monkey business going on in our politics today.