How to tell if you're the toxic one in the relationship

There are certain traits that can make you the toxic partner who starts the ruin of your relationship. They either grow over time inside or outside the relationship or show up suddenly.

Here are some of the traits that we have observed that can make a person toxic.

You intentionally don't text back (fast)

If you intentionally withhold love, attention, and affection, you may want to check yourself. To be fair, some people do this as a way to protect themselves from hurt or invest too much in the relationship. But there won't be any relationship to invest in even the little if you keep this up. So what is the end goal? Manipulation and control, among other toxic behaviour.

Their past wrongdoings play in your mind

If your partner's mistakes and faults play on repeat in your head when you have a disagreement or for no reason, chances are high that you are the toxic one. Firstly, it is not okay to have a negative perception of your partner. People look at their significant others through rose-coloured glasses and that can be poor judgement. But looking at them through their flaws is just as bad.

Secondly, it shows that you are incapable of letting things go or that you don't communicate how you really feel about things in the relationship.

Even when it is not intentional, if your mind brings up their wrongdoings, it is your mind responding to your feelings.

You say everything is fine when it's not

Yes, you want to keep the peace or think that some things are not a big deal. Some things are not big deals, especially if there are no hurt feelings or major conflicts. However, if make a habit of being the cool guy or calm girl, you might grow resentful. You might also justify certain behaviour to yourself for things your partner doesn't know. This can be damaging to you especially since your partner is not aware. You might also be a ticking time bomb.

You keep score

It is okay and natural to keep score. It's not like you can make yourself forget what you have done and what your partner has done or not done. But if it bothers you, then it can make you toxic. It can be a sign that you share different values with your partner or have different ways of expressing yourselves. But if don't talk about it, or you stay even though it bothers you, you are the toxic one.

You regret promises you make

You make promises and then regret them or break them. We all make mistakes, life can be unpredictable and sometimes we overestimate our capacity. But if it becomes a habit or happen often you might be toxic. It shows a lack of self-knowledge, not knowing your limits, and disrespect for boundaries (yours and others).

You are also likely to turn the blame on your partner when things don't work out in your favour.

You overthink

Overthinking can be a symptom of a number of clinical mental disorders. But if you are not doing anything to make it better, it increases your chances of being toxic. Fostering effective communication in a relationship and building trust are essential for overthinkers.

The problem is overthinking can ruin efforts to establish these two pillars. Without professional help or self-help, excessive negative or fear-based thinking can turn anyone toxic.

You use social media advice in the relationship

Now, this might seem like we're shooting ourselves in the leg, but here's the thing. There's nothing wrong with picking up tips to make your relationship thrive or helping yourself. It becomes an issue when you depend on the internet to do this or fix your relationship problems.

It shows that you lack fundamental communication in your relationship, or that you need external validation to be happy in that relationship or with yourself. You might also use social media advice as a cope out of being in control of your actions and behaviour. Moreover, social media advice is impersonal and says more about those who give than the issues they talk about.

It can be misleading too.

References

Bustle