4 harmful things to avoid saying to your partner in an argument

Conflict in a relationship is inevitable, and also completely healthy. Learning to navigate this difficult time with someone you are intimate with is vital to reduce the irreversible harm your relationship could suffer due to using intimate details you know about the each other to win the argument.

It cannot be stressed enough that, it is two against a problem, not each other. Below are the "off limits" when it comes to dealing with conflict in a relationship because once said, they cannot be forgotten nor forgiven.

1. Family members

Avoid bringing up issues or bad-mouthing your in-laws in an argument. Firstly, the things you will say, might be true, but because you have introduced them in an argument, they will be seen as spiteful.

Secondly, they take attention away from the cause of the conflict and makes the other person defensive, blocking any efforts to reach middle ground.

Later, when there is reconciliation, the bitter words said about family members will not be forgotten.

2. Secrets

During an argument, there might arise the urge to use a partner's secret in order to make them give in or feel remorse. However, this will only hurt the partner and leave them feeling exposed and unable to share intimate details again.

3. Career

Humiliation tactics should be avoided, especially using the other person's career challenges, failures and salary. It chips away the respect the other person thought they had from their partner and might stir painful insecurities that are hard to navigate long after the argument is over.

4. Past mistakes

If there are past misdoings that you are not over, a present argument is not the time to bring them up. They will not be received and will cause new feelings of shame, guilt over something that they thought was forgiven and resolved.

During fights, whether intentionally or not, words can be said that cause more harm than good. The key is to stay focused on the issue at hand without dragging any of the above issues in an attempt to win an argument or hurt your partner.

Developing a conflict resolution framework for the relationship can go a long way to make disagreements building blocks for trust, instead of stumbling blocks of distrust.