Being obsessed with your nemesis is good for you

Whether it is a celebrity feud or personal nemesis, the core of this dynamic is that, “Our nemesis often shows what actually matters to us. They reflect back our own values and ideals. It's often someone who is doing what we would secretly like to do. Or perhaps they appear to be living their life in a way that we aspire to," says psychologist and life coach Honey Langcaster-James.

Once in a while, we meet someone who rubs us the wrong way and immediately turn on our alarm for "enemy". Common advice is to avoid negative feelings towards others and find contentment in our own lives. But that advice can feel like swallowing a bitter pill the size of Sysiphus's rock when there's irritation coursing in your veins.

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Contrary to popular advice, that is a good thing.

If your friends are the sun in your life, then your nemesis is the other side of that coin, a "dark" friend. And if your nemesis is insightful, they may even know your deep dark desires. And you should really figure out that nemesis situation because most of the time they take your attention more than the people you actually like.

"How?" You ask. We hear your frustration and irritation loud and clear, so we found you a remedy. Your nemesis might be one of the best things that happened to you.

There's no shame in being petty, most of us are even though we refuse to accept that we stoop that low. And it is a low moment when you look in the mirror and wonder what is happening to you to make your heart sore and bitter.

When the nemesis situation is working against you, there's a way to turn it around.

Motivation can come from imaginary competition with people who don't even think about you at all. Having an antagonist can even be a distraction from a boring and tedious environment or occupation if kept in check and you embrace the rivalry.

It can be a calling inside you to better yourself in ways that this person triggers. If you remain in the same position when your nemesis shows up, it's like continuing to look at the last bus you have not taken as it gets farther away.

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In sports, we see the imagined rivalry between Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. It is mainly a fans rivalry but a study in 2014 of long-distance runners found that those who recalled a rival reported significantly higher motivation than those who did not. Runners could be expected to run a five-kilometre race roughly 25 seconds faster if they were competing against one of their rivals than if they weren’t.

Professor Brian Uzzi, an expert on leadership and social networks at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University in Illinois told the Guardian that parallels are good in creativity and work.

“The good kind of nemesis can really drive motivation, help you reach further, let you see the possibility to do things that you couldn’t before, things that might have been impossible. And all of that, to me, means opportunity in life,” he said.

You should be ready for a nemesis as you grow in authority and success. This is because, “As you progress, your reputation builds and the probability of having someone that will be a nemesis also grows, either because your success is a threat to theirs or because, as you grow in authority, people become more critical of your behaviour.”

Having a nemesis improves your life balance. When Uzzi studied traders for two years, he found that they gravitate to a balance of friends and enemies in professional networks. However, their performance improved exponentially when that balance was achieved.

According to the structural-balance theory, a network is considered balanced when there are enemies.

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A nemesis can be good for your mental health. When good things are happening in your life, you call friends to celebrate. In the same way, your nemesis may give you emotional support when things threaten to get out of your control.

At least this study in 2010 says so. Researchers at the University of Kansas found that seeing yourself as having a powerful enemy can give you a sense of control over existential hazards. They found that a personal enemy gets more power when big social systems, government and law enforcement become chaotic and disorganised. This personal enemy can be more effectively handled.

Friendly competition is good, but watch out if it becomes sour. Have an exit strategy before it becomes toxic. Since we tend to compare ourselves to people we think we can "beat" they can help us make our ambition clearer.

Your nemesis can reveal things you did not know you wanted. When they mention their achievements or activities, if it makes you feel negatively towards them find ways and make steps to make those things happen for yourself.

Conclusion

The psychology of nemesis is widespread in Carl Jung's work. If you have someone who pushes your buttons to no end, then you might consider taking some lessons even if your whole being revolts against it.