Questions we ask because we're afraid of heartbreak

Some of the questions we ask can be either to reaffirm our purpose and values in love or to secure us against pain. It simply depends on who is asking and why.

However, the questions that reaffirm love are expressed differently than those warding off heartache.

For instance, "have you ever cheated in a relationship?" can be from the heartbreak point of view. While "what is your view on commitment." can be from the ambitious point of view.

If you find yourself asking the questions we'll discuss in this article, maybe you need to work on restoring your trust, or rethinking your values around love and relationships. You can either do this as a single person or work with your partner to repair it.

Moreover, these questions show us our pain and what we are afraid of so that we can treat it and heal, instead of bracing ourselves for heartache.

Have you ever cheated in a committed relationship?

There's no positive outcome to this question. By the time someone asks, it either shows she's afraid of being cheated on or wants to judge the partner's character. Whether the other person cheated or not does not influence the current relationship. If it does, then subsequent partners will receive the same question which shows a pattern of fear and pain.

Let's say the person cheated, if they ever cheat on you it may not surprise you but it will definitely hurt you.

But it can be a harmless question.

Can we see other people?

When we don't feel enough for someone, we can ask for an open relationship, ask to see other people, and other means of compromise to make peace. There's a popular perception that there's no woman or man for one person. We may not want to lose them but also feel inadequate to hold our own in the relationship.

It may seem like the lesser devil against heartbreak. But if you don't really want this arrangement, you are hurting yourself anyway.

Can we remain friends?

After a breakup, staying friends can cushion the heart. If it was a mutual breakup, then this can be a harmless copout. But in difficult breakups and ending unhealthy relationships, this can be used to prevent outright hurt. We know the relationship or person is not good for us but it still hurts to cut all ties.

"My partner has told me something I don't agree with and it has hurt me. Should I end the relationship or am I being too sensitive?"

This is common in internet communities like Quora and Reddit and groups. It's okay to look for advice, especially in such reputable communities, when we are unsure. However, by the time the questions come up, the heartache is there. So we look for different points of view to help us see things differently from our perception. But the fact remains that what has been said has crossed our boundaries or contradicted our values and hurt us.

Takeaway

Communication in relationships is important in all the various forms it happens. Learn to listen to the intentions of your questions, especially sensitive questions or serious conversations.