When someone wants your housemaid: 6 ways to deal

Losing a good house/family help can be heartbreaking and disruptive for the family. Whether she's leaving for marriage, returning home, or getting a different job, it is a pivotal point for the home.

However, none of those scenarios stings like a neighbour scouting for your maid or taking her away.

Why do people poach maids?

One group of poachers is comprised of bad bosses who treat maids poorly and constantly lose them.
Admiration or even envy for those with great relationships with their maids.
They have more money to offer.
They change maids frequently.
They have searched for a long time with no luck.
They have trouble finding maids.

Here's how to handle a maid poacher situation.

1. You can't force her to stay

Ultimately, you cannot control what your maid chooses to do or what the poacher does. Trust that you have treated her well, taught her well, and paid her right. If your behaviour has been stellar, then you don't have to try to fight for her. Be ready to let her go.

2. Don't raise her salary

If the poacher has offered a bigger pay, don't try to match it even if you can. The only time to raise the pay is with clear and positive intention or communication.

That includes when she asks for a raise, and when you review her performance. 'Fighting' for her may not end well. It may set a negative standard for future negotiations or create negative power dynamics.

You can, however, introduce incentives outside of work that can show your appreciation.

3. Talk to her

How you talk to her also matters. Be genuine and positive. Tell her how much you appreciate her service, how much trust has developed between you, and that if she chooses to leave you will support her decision.

It might be all that it takes to get her to reconsider or to give you a real reason so that you are not left wondering what you did wrong.

4. You will find someone else

It might seem like you will not get another maid like 'her' or that it may take a long time to get there with someone else. That's simply the breakup talking.

You can and will find another good maid. Moreover, since you have built a great relationship with the former, it will be easier the next time you do it.

5. Offer her advice

If she chooses to leave, have a heart-to-heart with her. The poacher may have better pay, but working conditions may be unbearable.

Perhaps she can see that someone who tries to poach someone doesn't give a good first impression nor does it signal good character. Consider the history of the poacher with maids.

6. Take the wake-up call

Sometimes you can rely too much on the maid. It is great to have a healthy relationship with a maid, but it can turn sour if you have to abandon your duties to her.

When she decides to leave or a poach starts to hound her, you can be thrown into panic mode and become defensive resorting to intimidation tactics like guilt-tripping and manipulation.

This can ruin a long-standing relationship.

So practice more independence as much as you can.