Remember this when you question your feelings for your partner

Having a moment of wondering whether you really love someone can be scary. Mainly because you don't know whether it is a fleeting feeling or that something is wrong or has ALWAYS been wrong.

Rest assured it is common. According to Susan Winter, a New York City relationship and love coach. Especially in "long-standing partnerships".

Relationships, like many other experiences, have cycles. At the start, it about 'falling in love'. This period is passive, it isn't hard. Everything is spontaneous and happening to you. Romanticising the other person, looking forward to talking and seeing them, their quirks are all painted in colour. A natural and wonderful experience.

A few years down the road, the cycle turns, the tide of euphoric feelings fades into the background. Some of the things you enjoyed during the 'falling' cycle all start to get on your nerves.

Depending on the people in the relationship, this shift comes with dullness or anger or complete breakdown. One or both parties might want the 'falling in love' experience with someone new.

However, even when falling in love with someone else happens, it will also be subject to the same cycle. In the beginning it would be the same spontaneous excitement dwindling into companionship which requires work.

At the shift from 'falling in love' then comes the work and effort of sustaining love. This is a journey of its own dependant on both partners. Communication, responsibility, accountability, and all those laws of relationships that go into the decision to commit and stay together.

Chronic feeling

So with these changes and more, regardless of how strong the relationship is “there are many ups and downs in the life of a relationship. At times, we may wonder if it’s all worth it. Other times, we may wonder why we’re sticking it out. But if the good times outweigh the bad, our love will stay constant," Winter says.

The only time to worry is when the question is constant. Then you need to look at the relationship more closely.

Remember this when you question your feelings for your partner

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Chronic feeling

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