Hey, we're not trying to make you paranoid. You and this person hit it off and have been going strong for the past few weeks. Strong as in, jewellery, flowers, trips, grand gestures, high-end hotels, the list goes on.
5 signs you need to slow down a new relationship
A new love interest that seems to be too good to be true most likely is, especially if the relationship has these dynamics.
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Because these are the lauded gestures in the dawn of the relationship. It is still too early and your partner brings light in the process called wooing.
It is a beautiful time, thrilling, and slowly welcoming the new relationship. But it is also a time that can be used against you in what is called "love bombing". Love bombing is a sort of intentional or unintentional manipulation that creates an unbalanced dynamic in the relationship.
Without realising it, or even knowing what they are doing, the love bomber shows excess affection, attention, and admiration that makes the other person becomes dependent, indebted or obligated to them.
This situation is usually associated with narcissistic personalities but that is not our focus here. People follow the rules and culture of dating, without considering their values, needs, insecurities, and desires, with the hopes of securing love (at all costs) but ultimately it is love bombing.
Here are five signs that you need to slow down.
1. Grand requests after grand gestures
Love bombing always comes with strings attached with the end goal of gaining the upper hand.
If your weeks-old (a few months) partner starts to ask for big things like daily check-ins, moving in together, sharing certain information, and spending less time with other people. it is not a good sign. But they may sweeten the "deal" by doing grand gestures and showering you with affection and attention before making these requests.
2. You feel like it's too much too soon
In the beginning, it might be sweet or exciting but if it starts to feel too much, it probably is. First of all, always trust your gut and ask for what you need despite the other person's actions. They share their relationship goals, plans and vision, they talk about being ready to settle, meeting friends, and accelerating commitment and labels.
This can be their way of forcing their vision on you, ticking off boxes on their relationship or dating list, because surely you must want the same thing, right? Right? Not always right, and assumption is not the way to go about it.
3. It doesn't feel genuine
When someone is doing all the "right" things, it can be hard and even uncomfortable to question if those things are true. A fast-paced relationship can be a series of grand gestures and romantic cliches rather than thoughtful gestures. Genuine gestures tend to be individualised even though they are cliche-themed.
4. You are overwhelmed and feel invaded
You can't seem to catch a break to enjoy a dull day with them. They talk about how space makes love grow, but when they come around, it disappears. One-time celebrations are okay, but they make it a point to give you excess attention. They also make up things to celebrate.
5. You are always emotionally activated around them
This is usually because your boundaries are constantly being pushed, crossed, or not respected, whether in a good way or a bad way.
They may disrespect your boundaries when you say "no" whether in a nice way of persuading you or sulking.
The danger of love bombing is that you pay for what the love bomber does initially. At a certain point, they run out of steam or simply start trying to even the score. Before it gets that far, it is important to slow down or stop the relationship completely.
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