How to talk to your partner about STDs with minimal discomfort

How you bring up the discussion about Sexually Transmitted Diseases/Infections (STIs/ STDs) depends on your relationship status. There's no one-size-fits-all approach and the best advice cannot guarantee that it will not be awkward.

The thought can pop up in the most inopportune moments too. You're making out and your body and mind are in agreement for more, but then your brain kicks in "we haven't talked about STIs!"

Other times you are so caught up in the new relationship talking about your future, what colour of tiles your future house will have, and everything but STIs.

It can kill the excitement and a little discomfort is expected but it shouldn't deter you from looking out for your health and that of your partner.

Talking about STIs should be a norm but we live in a world where it is awkward to do so. So to avoid it, people use different avoidance tactics like:

Telling yourself that it's fine to skip it.
Telling yourself the last check you had was clear
Assuming that the other person would mention it if they have an STI.
Tell yourself condoms are enough.

The biggest barrier is that bringing up STIs can feel like an accusation but this is not the intention. Remember that most STIs can come with zero symptoms and the other person might not be aware of their infection. The only absolute way to know someone's status is by a medical test.

Here's how to have the talk at the different stages of your relationship.

The moment before sex with a new person

At this point, it can be tricky because even if they give you their STI test and results information, you don't know this person well enough and that information might not be of help.

Even then, you should ask. Their response to the question can also be a great tell. Operate under the assumption that your partner might have an STI and use protection.
However, not all protection methods can protect you from infection. STIs like HPV and herpes can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact.
Ask them if they have protection or bring it out yourself and if they protest remind them that you have to get tested together before you won't need the protection.
This way, you can set the standard and expectation that you will get tested eventually if you think sex with this person again might be on the table.

You’ve been seeing someone and want to get tested before having sex

In a new relationship, it is better to bring up the talk outside the sexual context. Waiting to have sex in a budding relationship is a healthy decision, however, it can be hard to step on the brakes once sex is initiated. So bring it up when you are both thinking clearly.

If you are nervous to bring it up, this is someone you probably trust by this point, admit it.

Tell them that you are a little freaked out about talking about testing but that it is necessary before moving forward.

Alternatively, you could present your test results to get the ball rolling. It can encourage him or her to get tested and they are less likely to feel judged or accused.

You’ve had sex with them already

You have been using protection and want to stop. Be straightforward about it.

Tell him/her that in order to safely transition to unprotected sex, you need to get tested.

Maybe you had unprotected sex with this person and want to keep it that way.

If you are making this transition, you should also talk about not having unprotected sex with other people.

If they are not receptive

STI stigma is real which makes even the smartest of us clam up when the talk comes up.

It might leave your date or partner offended or confused but if you discuss why it is important to you, hopefully, they will come around about it.

Your sexual health is non-negotiable, if they remain adamant about doing the test, you should rethink your relationship and the person.

If they try to use other tactics to get you out of insisting on the test, remain calm and ask them why they have a negative reaction and what they have against testing. Make it clear that it is not about not trusting them, rather it is about looking out for your health and theirs.