So you have been staying home on the weekends, leaving your phone password-free, and staying away from the night scene to rebuild trust in the relationship. But while you work to make your partner trust you again, how are you making sure you trust yourself not to stray again?
5 research-based remedies for cheating in relationships
Cheating can make it hard to maintain stable and satisfying relationships. So from the frontiers of research comes a remedy for cheating. New research from Reichman University in Israel suggests simple approaches to use in the face of temptation.
Yes, it was one time but his/her forgiveness will not stop you from being more discreet with your cheating another time. On the other hand, being afraid of cheating that you ghost your social life is just as bad.
How to stop cheating
The new research suggests a technique called partner perspective-taking ("what your partner might be thinking, feeling, and experiencing if you were looking at the world through their eyes and walking in their shoes").
1. Partner perspective-taking
According to Gurit Birnbaum, the lead author of the research, this technique places the vulnerable partner in a position to see the situation from their partner's perspective. This position enables someone to strive to feel and think as their partner would with the end goal of feeling compassion.
Cheating can be short-sighted and selfish no matter the reasoning behind it. But adopting the point of view of your partner as they go through their day, can help you keep the urges at bay.
In one of the studies, Birnbaum asked one group of participants to describe a day in their partner's life (control condition) and a second group of participants to do the same thing but to engage in partner perspective-taking.
He then asked both groups to look at a series of pictures and rate whether the individual shown would make for an attractive alternative partner. The participants in the perspective-taking group showed less interest in the attractive alternatives.
The researchers also offer four tips for partners in committed relationships to evade cheating.
2. Put effort into your relationship
Cheating is a more attractive option if there's no sense of growth in your relationship and passion in your sex life. Focus on sustaining these aspects of the relationship which will make your emotional connection stronger.
3. Grow with your partner
Keep up with new things about your partner and actively seek them out. There are endless new ways to let your partner know you love and care about them every now and then.
READ HERE: Are you taking your partner for granted?
4. Encourage novelty
Keep a sense of adventure and curiosity in the things you do. Try our new non-sexual experiences that increase emotional and mental intimacy. Instil novelty in your relationship and yourself to make your partner feel special and desired.
5. Think long-term
Cheating is a short-term pleasure with long-term consequences. It is not sustainable at best and creates more damage in the long run.
Remind yourself of the long-term relationship goals you are trying to achieve.
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