Lies we have all told ourselves for years that must be put to an end now

You lie to yourself all the time to cope with stress or shame or to motivate yourself to continue doing a task you hate and you are not alone. We tell lies to ourselves every day. It is part of our psyche. It is part of the conversations we have in our heads that make up much of what intelligence is.

Confused man

However, you need to beware of the big lies that you have told yourself for years that have kept you broke and broken. The problem with the lies we are talking about here is that, most of the time, you don’t even realise that you are feeding them to yourself, or what they truly are!

Here are some lies most people tell themselves and why you should stop now:

I will become happy when I get a job. I will become happy when I get a car. I will become happy when I get married. All lies. Been there, done that.

This type of conditioning doesn’t let you see the truth of the situation you are in and shifts the focus on some better faraway future that will surely come. You will hang onto the job you hate for years, because ‘I will put some money away, and then I’ll go travelling, and then I’ll become happy’. Don’t shift the focus on something that will make you happy in the future, see what can make you happy here and now.

Procrastination affects every facet of our lives. You want to write a book but you haven't. You plan to start at the beginning of next year. You want to start exercising tomorrow because now you have just had heavy breakfast. I will stop drinking after my sister's wedding. Lies. Been there, done that.

Don't wait for motivation because motivation is fleeting and very short. Do it even if you don't feel like doing it now.

You know your past better than anyone else. You also know your weaknesses better than most people. And because of that, you unjustly judge that you are not worth being loved. Lies. Been there, done that.

We tend to criticize ourselves more than we should. Learn to love yourself and be happy with yourself – that is the foundation of any happy relationship. You may need to start from scratch and get acquainted with yourself anew, with your desires, wishes, and passions. We spend so little quality time with ourselves that we tend to forget who we are and what we really want.

Many would agree that this is how some women think as they get into marriages. He will stop cheating if I give him sex before he leaves the house. He will become generous once he gets out of this financial fix. He will stop disrespecting me once I give him a baby. She will respect me once I get the big job I applied for. Lies. Been there, done that.

We all know how hard it is to change our own weaknesses but we believe we can motivate other people to change their own weaknesses. Which is really silly. Your sheer willpower isn’t enough to change someone, just like you wouldn’t be able to change your own behaviour by willing it. Better judge a person by their current behavior rather than the idealistic dreams you have of him in the future.

It is believed that most people tell themselves this particular lie. However, dreaming big is one of the most important motivators we have in life. Have you ever heard about some genius inventor, successful businessman or a great actor who didn’t dream big? If you can imagine it – then you can achieve it! But you won't if you tell yourself it is too big to do.

When you think you’re not smart enough, not beautiful enough, and in general not good enough, you won’t even try doing what your heart desires out of fear of failure. That cute guy is flirting with you? But you think you’re not good enough. A cool job opportunity presents itself? But you’re again afraid you’re not good enough. Someone may have told you this at some point in time, maybe when you were little. These cognitive distortions lie deep inside our psyche, but the earlier you recognize them, the better. Don’t hide behind this phrase and be brave – you are the only one who can change your life and live it to the fullest.

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